Sexuality

GRIT AND GRACE
SEXUALITY
DR. JIM DIXON
MATTHEW 5:27-30
FEBRUARY 7, 2010

Last month the AP, the Associated Press, voted Tiger Woods the Athlete of the Decade, and from the year 2000 to the year 2009, in that decade, in that 10-year period, Tiger Woods won 64 golf tournaments. In one decade, he won 64 golf tournaments around the world and right here in the PGA he won 56 golf tournaments. Tiger Woods also won 12 major championships during the decade, so he was voted Athlete of the Decade. But, of course, in these recent times, Tiger Woods has also fallen from grace. More than 12 women have stepped forward and alleged that they had sexual affairs, ongoing relationships, sexually, with Tiger Woods. And I think most of us looked at tiger Woods and Elin Woods and their kids as a wholesome family, very committed to each. And now it appears there was another side to Tiger, that he had this side to him that was philandering, womanizing, and committing adultery.

According to many accounts, the family is now struggling and there is great brokenness. Some claim that Tiger Woods has gone into a retreat and a clinic for sexual addiction. I don’t know whether that is true. I do know this is true: sex and our sexuality is a great gift from God. It’s a wonderful gift from a loving creator. And I also know that it’s a very dangerous gift. It’s a very dangerous gift, and in this fallen world of which we are all a part the gift has been tainted and distorted and messed up. So, here we are today and we’re looking at the grit and grace of sex and sexuality and what the Bible tells us.

I want to begin with the grit. I want to begin with biblical sexual morality, what the Bible tells us is right and wrong with regard to sexual conduct. So, I want to start with the grit and I want to begin with marriage, because the Bible tells us that sex is a gift from God, meant to be opened only in the context of marriage. This is what the Bible tells us: Sex is this incredible gift from God meant to be opened only in the context of marriage. “A man shall leave his mother and father,” the Bible tells us, “and cleave unto his wife and the two shall become one flesh.” Jesus, in Matthew 19, quotes Genesis 2:24 and repeats those words, “A man shall leave his mother and father, cleave unto his wife and the two shall become one.” And therefore, Jesus said, “They are no longer two, but they are one flesh.”

And then Jesus said, “What God hath joined together, let no one put asunder.” The word flesh that Jesus uses is “sarx.” This word normally means the body, but it can refer to the whole person. I think when the Bible says that in marriage we become “one flesh,” it’s not just sexual. We have oneness, body, soul and spirit that occur in this gift of marriage. But it is sexual; it is a sexual statement. God has given sex to man to open in the context of marriage, for the sake of procreation; that we might raise children, disciple them and replenish the earth; for the sake of pleasure, that as husband and wife, we might pleasure each other; and for the sake of oneness, that on the physical level we might express the union that marriage is. This is the great intention of God: The marriage covenant.

Now, I want to move on because we know we live in a society and a world where sex does not only exist in the context of marriage, so I want to move on. We know that for many people sex begins with masturbation. So, I want to take a moment and look at the subject of masturbation. Now, I used to be a youth pastor and I found that one way to silence the room was to just mention the word masturbation. I’ve also discovered that this is true in any room, no matter what the age. Now, the Bible does not mention, explicitly, masturbation. Some have thought that in Genesis 38:9 and 10 that was the sin of Onan, but that’s not true. Genesis 38 verses 9 and 10 do not mention masturbation. The sin of Onan was he let his seed fall to the ground, but his sin was coitus interruptus. His sin was, in the midst of sexual intercourse, he pulled away because he did not want to obey Jewish law regarding levirate marriage and he did not want to provide for his deceased brother an offspring and an heir. So, it had nothing to do with masturbation.

I do agree with James Dobson when he says that, with regard to our children, we should not shame them for masturbation. And this is what many child psychologists say, and of course, James Dobson is a trained child psychologist and has his PhD and was a professor in developmental psychology at USC. It is true that as children develop, there’s a certain kind of exploration that is normal. But I think it is right that as our kids grow up there comes a point where we explain to them the meaning of sex biblically and what God’s purpose is in giving us this wonderful gift and that we explain to our kids how sex is to be expressed in our lifetime and that it is to be reserved for marriage.

Now, it is also true that masturbation for many people does not cease in childhood. Many people masturbate all the days of their life. There are many people who masturbate all the years until death, and many of them masturbate all through their marriage. It is true. And I think you would all agree that masturbation is certainly, at least, less than what God intended because it does not express the union of husband and wife. It does not express the union of marriage and I think you would also agree that normally masturbation is associated with lust and the Bible tells us that lust is a sin. Jesus tells us that in our passage of Scripture for today: Lust is a sin.

So, “You’ve heard it said of old, thou shalt not commit adultery. But I say to you, whoever looks upon a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Jesus wants us to take this seriously, and so he says to us, “If your right eye offend thee, if it causes you to sin, pluck it out, throw it away. Better to lose one member than to have your whole body thrown into hell. If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off, throw it away. Better to lose one member than to have your whole body thrown into hell.” And of course, Jesus was not speaking literally. If that were true, most everyone in the world would lose their right eye and their right hand. Jesus was using Jewish hyperbole and he’s saying, “Take this seriously.”

I think it is also true that oftentimes masturbation is associated with pornography. Pornography is pandemic on the earth, pandemic in our culture, and to our national shame. I have read recently where a number of studies have indicated that over 90%, and perhaps as much as 97% of the pornography in the world is produced, where? Right here in the United States of America. Up to 97% of the pornography is created here then shipped to the nations of the earth, to our shame. It’s a multi-billion-dollar industry, filling the coffers of Americans living off porn.

A couple of weeks ago, some of you tell me you disagreed with me with regard to Haiti when I said we don’t know that that earthquake was the judgment of God. Some of you said no, you believe it was the judgment of God because of things the Haitians have done. I just disagree with you. I just disagree. There’s just no way to know, no way to know whether that earthquake is from God or not. But I would say this. If God is out there judging nations right now, why isn’t he judging us? We should not be self-righteous, looking down at other peoples. Of course, pornography and masturbation is a huge issue in marriages and I want you to just see a little clip of a couple that are sharing their testimony:

“It sets an impossible appetite and an impossible standard. It steals from the true beauty of what marriage is supposed to be. You know, it’s the perfect theft of growing old together. Who wants to grow old together in a culture where all we honor is what’s young? When what we’re supposed to really want and desire is this perfect thing over here physically? And we miss the whole point of marriage.

“What women want most of all, and it’s the dichotomy of the industry, is that women want to be beautiful and desired by the man that they love. And it gets twisted in the industry and the women become, ‘I want you, I’ve got to have you,’ and so the men are attracted to that. But what that women behind the camera really wants is unconditional love and one man to say, ‘I love you and you’re beautiful and I accept you.’ And she’s hurting just like the men who are addicted to it are hurting. She’s in a prison as well.”

I can’t tell you the number of marriages in our nation, and all over the world are broken because of problems with pornography.

I want to move on now and mention fornication. The Bible speaks a great deal to the subject of fornication, and the biblical word that is used again and again is “porneia.” It’s a word from which we get the word pornography, but the word porneia originally just referred to sex prior to marriage. And this word is used by the apostles. It’s used by the Apostle Paul in warning and it’s used by John the Apostle and it’s used many times by our Lord Jesus Christ and in particular in his letters to the seven churches in Revelation 2 and 3. Jesus warns them about sexual immorality and porneia and he says that in many of the churches there are people saying it’s okay and he warns them.

Of course, in 1 Corinthians chapter 6, the Apostle Paul kind of explains this by saying, “Don’t you realize that when you’re not married and you have sex with somebody that you become one flesh with them?” He’s going back to Genesis 2:24 and Matthew 19, the words of Jesus. Don’t you realize when you have sex with somebody there’s a sense in which you marry them? Because it was a gift from God meant only for the context of marriage and that union and that oneness of marriage.

In 1 Corinthians 6 and 1 Corinthians 7, the Apostle Paul talks to couples in the churches who are engaged, not yet married. He refers to them as virgins. That’s the meaning of the Greek word, because his assumption is that they’ve not had sexual relations yet. And he says to them, “If you are strongly attracted to each other sexually and you’re just burning, your desires are so strong, go ahead and get married.” The implication is go ahead and do it quickly if you really love each other because sex is not meant to be opened as a gift until you’re married. That is the strong counsel in the word of God.

I know this doesn’t fit the culture here in America. It doesn’t fit any culture in the world today because the world has changed. Judea Christian values have been discarded, but this is the teaching of Christ and it’s the teaching of Holy Scripture. I know if I say to you to obey this and you don’t believe in Jesus yet, that’s putting the caboose in the front of the train, the cart in front of the horse. But if you believe in Jesus, you’ve got to honor this and if you’re living with somebody and they’re not your husband or your wife, you’re not married but you’re having sex, stop it in obedience to Christ, in love of Christ, for the sake of your marriage when you do marry, and in faithfulness to God. And get separate places and wait until marriage. In marriage the gift is meant to be opened and it’s meant to pleasure us and give us procreation and express our oneness in the union of marriage.

I want to take a look at adultery because, of course, the Bible says a great deal about adultery. It is so a serious sin. Obviously in the sight of God some sins are more grave, but adultery is very, very grave in the sight of God. It’s a violation of the covenant of marriage. Marriage has been instituted by God, regulated by his commandments, blessed by our Lord Jesus Christ. It is to be held in honor and adultery is a huge sin. Look at the Lex Talionis. The Lex Talionis is the Jewish law, the Jewish Civil Law. And what was the heart of the Jewish Civil Law, the heart of the Lex Talionis? Life for life. An eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, wound for wound, stripe for stripe, foot for foot, hand for hand. We’ve all heard that expression, “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.”

What was the retribution for adultery in the Jewish law, the Jewish Civil Law? What were the consequences for adultery? So grave was this that the consequences were death. Now, it was rarely enforced, I must say that, but biblically the consequence was death. Understand that God is merciful and gracious and even adultery can be forgiven. God has power to forgive, and he can forgive you and if you your marriage is broken and if you’ll let him he can heal your marriage because of his grace and his mercy and his forgiving power and healing power that is his. But the Bible certainly warns us again and again that this is a grave sin and the breaking of the covenant.

I want to say something about homosexuality, and again, I want to say I hate to offend people. I mean, I couldn’t sleep last night. I told Barb last night, I don’t want to do this, but I will say to the Lord, “If it’s possible, remove this cup from me.” I really do love people and I seek to love people even more than I do. And this is hard, but I tell you the truth. The call of God is upon me as a pastor. I’ve been called to preach the Word, the Bible says, in season and out of season. Right now, in many ways, the Bible is out season. So, I tell you, as a steward of Scripture, what the Bible says.

Now, some people, and even some churches don’t care anymore what the Bible says. I received just this past week from one of you a brochure from the United Methodist Church and the brochure said that homosexuality is part of the creative diversity of God and that homosexuality is this wonderful gift from God. And this publication of the United Methodist Church also quoted the APA, the American Psychological Association, which now classifies homosexuality as normal and healthy. And the with regard to the Bible, this publication of the United Methodist Church just said that the Bible rarely mentions the subject and the Bible is more concerned with other things.

But I must tell you, many churches in the United Methodist Church don’t even believe in the Bible anymore. They don’t even believe in the Bible anymore. They have cratered to the culture and discarded the word of God, which is timeless. I don’t receive my moral guidance from the APA. I respect psychologists, I respect science, I respect medicine, but the APA, the American Psychological Association, has officially stated that lust is normal and that as long as you have normal relational socialization pornography is okay and not dangerous. I don’t take my morality from the APA. I take my morality from the Word of God, from the Bible. So, the Bible does say that homosexuality is sin, understanding that we’re all sinners and understanding that God loves us all. Homosexuality is sin and the Bible says this in a number of places. Romans 1 and Leviticus 18 are famous passages, but there are many passages in the Bible that speak to the sin of homosexuality.

The Bible is clear, and I know that that’s a hard teaching and I know that the whole world is fallen. I know that we’re born messed up and even all of nature itself is fallen. The Bible says it is fallen, and yet there is this intention and there is this will of God revealed in the Bible. And I don’t mean to give an apologetic, or an “apologia,” a defense of the Bible. I don’t think I need to. And yet I will say this: I think it is evident that God did not design us for homosexuality. I think you can all see that God did not design us for homosexuality. That’s not how he constructed us, and I don’t mean to be overly graphic, but with regard to sexual relations that’s not how the parts fit. That’s just not how God set the whole thing up and I think that’s proctological. I think that’s self-evident.

I don’t know why everyone craters to the culture. It is also true that God loves us. He loves us so much and the truth is that homosexuality, and particularly male homosexuality, is very dangerous. It involves a lifestyle and a behavior that increases disease and infection and shortens lifespan. God loves us. He cares about us. Now, God bless you, all those of you who are struggling with this and those who have loved ones who are. Sometimes you guys write me, and you say, ” What if my son or daughter is gay?” Love them. Love them and befriend them but also be honest with them regarding the Word of God and pray for them.

I cringe when I hear Christians say, “Homosexuals are going to hell.” Boy, I’d be a rich man if I had a buck for every time I’ve heard that, homosexuals are going to hell. I cringe. It reflects a violation of, “Condemn not that you be not condemned.” You usurp the authority of God, and it misunderstands the Bible. I know where it comes from. It comes from 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, Galatians 5, 19-21, and Romans 1:19-21. And in these passages, you have lists of improper conduct and the warning that people who do these things will not inherit the kingdom of heaven. One of those lists, and particularly 1 Corinthians chapter 6, homosexuality is clearly on the list. There’s one Greek word that probably refers to male prostitution and then another Greek word that means practicing homosexuals will not inherit the kingdom of heaven.

But I say this: Look at the whole list. Would you do that for me? I’d love you to take 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, Galatians 5:19-21, and Romans 1:19-21. Take all of the sins listed, add them all up, make the whole list, and see what’s on it. “Those who will not inherit the kingdom of heaven” includes idolaters, greedy people, gluttons, drunkards, people who have selfish ambition, jealous and envious people, temperamental people who cannot control their anger, people who are filled with hatred and have not love or mercy, arrogant and boastful people, and people who are sexually immoral, “porneia.” All of these things.

I read a list like that and I’m thinking, “Man, nobody’s going to heaven.” I don’t know how a Christian can read a list like that and say, “Wow, homosexuals aren’t going to heaven.” It seems to me you all read a list like that and say, “Wow, I might be in trouble.” And I think if we use sound biblical exegesis and we rightly divide the Word of God and we look at everything in its context… I know these are difficult passages. At least to me it seems evident that this is saying that all of these people will not inherit the kingdom of heaven apart from Christ, apart from the cross, apart from his shed blood, apart from faith, apart from redemption, apart from regeneration and rebirth.

Of course, it is true that when we accept Jesus and we are born into his family and we are saved and forgiven, we are then engaged in this great struggle for sanctification. We need to take it seriously, the struggle for holiness, that we might please Jesus. The reality is that we live in a world where there’s temptation everywhere for sexual sin. Temptation is everywhere. Even if it never affects your behavior, as Jesus said, in your thought life, sexual sin and temptation are everywhere.

We live in a roguish world. There are rogues out there who just want you to give in. There are roguish companies and organizations that want you to just give in. It’s a roguish world filled with temptation, and we live in a tragic culture. Have you ever wondered why 45 to 50 million babies have been aborted since Roe v. Wade? Why is that? That’s an astounding number—45 to 50 million babies. Why is that? Is it because of danger to the life of the mother? Is it because of gross fetal deformity? Is it because of rape or incest? Rarely. Rarely. Now, for the most part it’s because of promiscuity. It’s because we live in a nation that is increasingly promiscuous and people are just trying to repair the damage, cover up what they’ve done. And it’s an increasingly promiscuous society. Have you ever wondered why it is that now 40% of the babies that are born in the United States of America are born out of wedlock? Have you ever wondered that? 40% are born out of wedlock. Why is that? Less than 100 years ago, only 2% of the babies were born out of wedlock. What’s happened to us? It has to do with a nation that is increasingly promiscuous.

Nobody cares anymore. There’s no shame anymore. Single people are having babies and announcing it to the world in celebration. You have a friend or loved one who has a baby out of wedlock, you throw a party. And I know the baby is precious and innocent and I know the mother is very precious and I’m not saying never throw a party, but I’m saying there’s no shame anymore. And because there’s no shame anymore, it’s having a generational impact. It’s having a generational impact and our nation is just sliding down the slope morally and ethically and we’re going to have brokenness that is just compounded generationally in this nation as we leave Judeo-Christian values. What a tragedy.

So you wonder, why does the Bible have grit? Because God loves us. Why does God have moral standards sexually? Because God loves us and sometimes our compassion is very short term and very shallow. We don’t look at the long-term effects. If we’re really compassionate, you want to look at the long-term effects on society. You want to look at what this does to society long term, and that’s what the Bible gives us and that’s the call of Christ upon us and this is the grit of it.

I want to take a look at grace. And I know that our time is short, but I want to look at grace and you all know the grace of Jesus and you know that he has amazing grace. You read John chapter 7 and 8—the end of 7, the beginning of 8—and you see the woman caught in the very act of adultery and you see the grace of Jesus. You know the story and you love it. I know the story and I love it. In the beginning, in Jewish Christianity, not everybody loved it. In fact, they were stunned and astounded and many scholars believe that’s why in many early manuscripts the story was left out. In some early manuscripts it was placed in a different part of the Bible, but in other manuscripts it was just left out. They couldn’t understand this kind of compassion on adultery.

But understand, Jesus has amazing grace and you look at Luke chapter 7 and you see a prostitute from the streets coming into the home of Simon the Pharisee. Jesus is in the courtyard and this woman comes up to him and you see her fall down crying. And with her tears she floods his feed and begins to wash and wipe his feet with her hair, her long hair. And she anoints him with costly perfume and she begins to kiss his feet again and again and again. And the Pharisee is outraged. “Don’t you know what kind of woman this is?” Oh, but the grace of Jesus, the love of Jesus, the compassion and the mercy.

I want to tell you a story. Friday night in the chapel we had a Presbytery worship service and we sang that great hymn Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. In fact, this morning in the chapel service at 7:30 we sang that hymn Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. I’ve noticed that in the chapel service we sing that hymn a lot, and I was beginning to think, “Wow, we’re singing this a lot.” I went to worship committee during the week and someone said to me, “Jim, I heard that Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing is your favorite song.” And then I understood from the Worship Department that they had included it a lot because they thought it was my favorite song.

It’s not my favorite song. My favorite song is from Charles Wesley, and it’s Can It Be That I Should Gain, but I do love Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. It’s one of my favorite songs and I love it. What I love about it… I mean, I love the melody and the words are so moving, but I love the story behind it. The song was written by Robert Robinson. Robert Robinson wrote this great hymn before our nation was born. He wrote this great hymn before the United States of America was birthed, and the year was 1750. The year was 1750, and Robert Robinson was drunk. He was in the city of London, 17 years old, a teenager. And he was sexually out of control, promiscuous and an alcoholic at the age of 17. And he’s hanging out with some buddies who were also alcoholics and also promiscuous. They heard that George Whitefield was in London—George Whitefield, the great revivalist, the great evangelist, one of the greatest the world has ever seen. They thought, let’s go see this circus. What a joke. Let’s just go and see what it’s like.

They go into the big tent revival and the Holy Spirit touches their souls and Robert Robinson accepts Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior while drunk. He goes down the aisle and accepts Jesus and asks him to be his Lord and Savior. He said he always felt embarrassed by that, that he accepted Christ while drunk. So, three years later, when he was 20, he committed his life to Christ when he was sober. And then 3 years later, at the age of 23, he wrote that great hymn Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. He was twenty-three years old. Here are some of the words: “Jesus sought me when a stranger, wandering from the fold of God. He’d have saved my soul from danger, interposed His precious blood. Oh, to grace, how great a debtor daily I’m constrained to be. Let that grace, Lord, like a fetter bind my wandering heart to thee. Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the dawn I love. Here’s my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.” Great words.

Well, the years passed and Robert Robinson left the path of Christ, fell into apostasy, and for years began the womanizing again. Sexually promiscuous, he became an alcoholic again. He was in his forties in the city of Paris, far from Christ, and he got into a carriage and he noticed a beautiful woman in the carriage and he began to flirt with her and then he asked her out. This woman said to him, ”I’ll consider it, if you’ll go with me to a Bible study tonight.” He didn’t want to do that. He’d left that path long ago and he felt oh-so guilty and he didn’t want to do that. On the other hand, he really wanted a date with this gal, so he said okay.

So, he goes to this Paris home and goes to this Bible study and they began with singing. And what song do they sing? Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. And he just loses it. He just loses it and begins to cry and the tears just flow down his face and they say to him, “What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” He said, “I wrote that song. I wrote that song.” They said to him, “The streams of mercy are still flowing. The streams of mercy never ceasing in the song are still flowing.” And he re-committed his life to Jesus.

I don’t know what’s happening in your life sexually. I know we’re all sinners. Long ago we said we’re all bozos on the bus. I’ll take is a step further and say we’re all sexual bozos on the bus. You might be thinking, “Well, not me. I don’t have any improper sexual thoughts. In fact, I don’t think of sex at all,” and that’s your problem. I mean, we’re all messed up. We’re all sexual bozos on the bus and we need the grit and we need the grace.

As we close, I hope you understand in the Bible that three types of sin are mentioned. They’re mentioned in the little book of 1 John. The lust of the flesh, that’s one type of sin; lust of the eyes, that’s another type of sin; and the pride of life, that’s another type of sin. The lust of the flesh involved pleasure sins, hedonistic sins: sexual sin, alcoholism, drunkenness, gluttony. The lust of the eyes involves materialistic sins: greed, selfish ambition, envy, and materialism. The pride of life involves arrogance: sins of arrogance, self-righteousness, looking down on people, even racism. Now, C.S. Lewis, one of the great Christian theologians has said he believes that the least of these sins are the lust of the flesh. That’s what C.S. Lewis said. The least of these sins is lust. Okay, they’re sins, but he said they’re the least of the sins. These sexual sins, God is more concerned, C. S. Lewis said, with those pride sins: the guy that looks down on people, the judgmental guy. The self-righteous guy.

And maybe C.S. Lewis is right, but maybe he isn’t. He’s just C.S. Lewis. He’s not God and the Bible doesn’t delineate all these things. In fact, when I look at 1 Corinthians chapter 6, Paul says, “Avoid sexual sin. Avoid sexual immorality. Every other sin,” Paul says, “is outside of the body. But in sexual sin we sin against our own body, the temple of the Holy Spirit.” That sounds pretty serious to me. So, I want to say as we conclude this grit and grace message that we need to recommit our lives today to Christ. We need to repent of that which is off the path in our life. We need to acknowledge our sinfulness and we need his holiness. We need to do this, always aware of his graciousness and his mercy and his forgiveness. We need to do it today, so let’s look to the Lord with a word of prayer.