TEN COMMANDMENTS
HONOR YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER
DR. JIM DIXON
EXODUS 201;1-20
FEBRUARY 23, 1992
Honorius I was the 81st Pope in the Roman Catholic Church. No one knows when Honorius I was born. It was sometime in the 6th century, perhaps somewhere around the year 570 AD. He was born to a wealthy aristocratic family. Even as a child, he was devoutly religious. The time came when he entered theology school and then he joined the clergy. He rose through ecclesiastical ranks and finally, in the year 625 AD, he was proclaimed the vicar of Christ. He took the title Honorius I. He took that title, Honorius, because he longed to be honorable in the sight of God. Upon becoming Pope, the first thing he did was, he changed his mansion into a monastery because that seemed honorable, He took the gospel to the civilized world because that seemed honorable. He built new churches and rebuilt old churches because those things seemed honorable too. He negotiated peace with the Lombards because he thought, surely that would be honorable in the sight of God. He died in the year 638 and yet, incredibly, at the Third Council of Constantinople in the year 681, Honorius I was declared a heretic. Through the centuries, he has been held in dishonor though honor is what he longer for in the sight of God and in the sight of the godly. Nevertheless he has been placed in dishonor. In dishonor, a papal heretic because in a theological dispute over the nature and person of Jesus Christ, he denied the full deity and the full humanity of Jesus Christ. It was said you cannot be honorable in the spirit of God unless you honor the Son of God, Jesus Christ. As Christians, we know that is true. We know we cannot be honorable in the sight of God unless we honor the Son of God, Jesus Christ. It was the Lord Jesus Christ himself who said, “The Father judges no one but has given all judgement to the Son that all might honor the Son even as they honor the Father.” Now I assume that each and every one of you want to be honorable, honorable in the sight of God. Above all else you want to be honorable in the sight of God. You know you need to honor Christ. I hope you understand, biblically, you must also honor your parents. You want to be pleasing to God. If I want to be pleasing to God, we must learn to honor Christ but we must also learn to honor our parents.
What does it mean to honor our parents? What does it mean to honor mother and father? I would like to share with you a few of the meanings of honor. First of all, to honor mother and father means to obey. You cannot honor your parents without obedience. The story is told of a little boy. You may have heard it. He was riding his tricycle around the block. He was really pedaling that tricycle fast. He was moving and expending a great deal of energy. He was going as fast as he could. He went around the block and then we went around the block again and again and again and again, and he just kept going around the block. A policeman was watching this. Finally a policeman went up to this little guy and he said ” “What are you doing? The little boy said, “I’m running away from home.” The policeman said “Well, why do you just keep going around and around and around the block?” The boy said, “Because my mother said I’m not allowed to cross the street.” Now I think it is difficult for kids..” I mean there is so many mixed emotions that kids have. Of course, there comes a time in every child’s life when they do leave home. I mean there comes a time when children are ready to leave home. By that time, they’ve long since ceased to ride tricycles. Usually they are 18 years old or 26 years old, but children leave home. But until that day that they leave home, the responsibility of children is to obey their parents. As children living in the home, honor is expressed through obedience.
We have these words of the Apostle Paul, written to Christians living in the Roman world. Paul wrote to those Christians, and he said “Children, obey your parents. Obey your mother and father in the Lord.” Then Paul quotes the fifth commandment, “Honor your mother and father.” There is no doubt that honoring implies obedience. Particularly for the child in the home, honoring takes the form of obedience. In the Roman world, there was a sacred doctrine called “Patria Potestis.” “Patria Potestis” means “father power.” In the Roman world, of course, dads did have all power. Their power was virtually absolute. It’s kind of a scary thought when you realize the power that was vested in dads by the Roman government. Fathers had the power of child repudiation. When a child was born, the father could reject that child. That was rarely done. Ninety-nine out of one hundred times, the father accepted the child and held the child in his arms, but if the child was deformed or perhaps if it was a daughter in that chauvinistic world, or perhaps if the dad was just in a bad mood or a mean guy, he would turn his back and the child was taken from the home and placed in the Roman Forum. There, the child was either left to die or somebody could come along and pick the baby up for free and rear the child and sell the child eventually into slavery or into Roman houses of prostitution, Roman brothels. A tragic world. According to the doctrine of Patria Potestis, the father could when the child was accepted nevertheless, the father had absolute power over that child. Until the father died, the father had absolute power and the father could, at any point in time, sell that child into slavery. The father could, at any point in time place that child in chains. The father could, at any point in time execute the death penalty upon his own child.
Obviously, this was rarely done but I want you to see the power that was vested in dads in the Roman world. Did kids obey? Did they obey their dad? You bet they did. They obeyed their dad. They knew if they brought the chariot home late, you know, they could wind up as merchandise in some slave auction. They obeyed their parents out of sheer terror, sheer fear. Of course, God has not given that kind of power to parents. He is given authority to moms and dads but it’s a shepherding authority as dads will discover in “Dad, the Family Shepherd.” It is a. shepherding authority. We are to nurture our children in the admonition and instruction of the Lord. Of course, children are called to obey their parents, hopefully out of love rather than out of terror. The Bible says, “In the last days, children will be disobedient to parents, rise up against their parents,” and we are seeing some of this in our time in our culture and in our generation. I don’t think the responsibility, or the blame can be placed entirely on the children but rather on all the moms and dads who have ceased to shepherd and to provide that nurture and love that parents were meant to provide. Now the word honor not only means to obey, it also means to thank. We cannot honor our parents unless we thank them, unless we have gratitude. Gratitude is a way of honoring those who have blessed us.
Now, in the Roman world, in the Roman army and even in the Greek armies, there were two words that were very important. There was the word “opsonia” and the word “charisma.” Now the word “opsonia” referred to the “soldier’s pay.” That was a very important word. I mean the soldiers hard and for their labor, they received a wage and that wage, which they had earned, was called “opsonia.” Now, in addition to their wage, their “opsonia,” the soldier would also, from time to time, receive a gift from the Emperor. When an emperor first ascended the throne, it would be a financial monetary gift given to every soldier in the Roman army. This was sometimes done in the Greek armies as well when there were rulers that came to power. Whenever the Emperor had a birthday, there was “charisma.” There was a special financial gift given to all the soldiers on the Emperor’s birthday. These were not “opsonia.” These were not wages that had been earned. They were simply gifts. Simply gifts. Now it was believed that for any gift, for anything that was not “opsonia,” you must have gratitude. You do not need to give thanks for that which you’ve earned, for that which is “opsonia” but for that which is “charisma,” for that which has just been freely given to you. You had to have gratitude. In fact, the word “charisma’ is built on the word “charis,” the word “grace,” and the word for “things,” “eucharista” or “eucharistia.” That word for thanks is also built on the same root, the same root, so that you give thanks for the grace that you’ve received. You give thanks for the free gifts, the free gifts that have been given to you that you’ve never earned. In the biblical world, it was said that if you didn’t thank God, you couldn’t honor God, because, you see, God has given all things freely. You know how in Romans 6:23, it says “The wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life.” The word for wage is opsonia.” The word for gift, “charisma.” Now, in the sight of God, our wage, our “opsonia” is death. That is what we have earned. But God has freely given “charisma,” eternal life. God has freely given forgiveness of sin. God has freely given life and death. itself. We can never pay God back. No way we can ever pay God back. He does not expect it. All He expects is gratitude. He expects a thankful heart. Now this is true of parents as well. Most of what we received from mom and dad was not “opsonia.” It was not things we earned. Most of what we received from mom and dad was “charisma.” It was freely given. It was a gift. We did not earn their love. We did not earn their food. We didn’t earn the roof over our head that they provided. We did not earn all the prayers that were prayed. We did not earn the clothes that were given. My mom and dad helped my brothers and I through college and helped pay my way through theology school. They helped us with a starter home. We did not earn any of that It was not “opsonia .” It was “charisma.” We can never pay our parents back. We cannot. Most moms and dads don’t expect to be paid back but they do long for gratitude, to see thankful hearts in their kids. So if you would honor your mom and dad, thank them… This word honor not only means to obey and to thank, it also means to forgive.
I read recently the story of a 13-year old girl placed in a home for abused children. When this girl was 7 years old, she had been raped repeatedly by her da, raped repeatedly by her father. Here she was in this home for abused children, and she could not even hear the word “father” without flying into a rage. She couldn’t even hear the word “father” without going into A. violent reaction. She could not say “The Lord’s Prayer” because she could not say the words “Our Father.” How can that girl honor? How can she learn to honor her mother and father? Most of us have not received that kind of abuse from a mom or a dad but all of our parents were flawed just as we are The call of God upon our lives is to learn to forgive. Sometimes that’s not humanly possible but if we would honor our parents, we must forgive them. You know the story of the prodigal son. Two weeks ago, Dick shared with you about the prodigal son and how this son demanded his inheritance from his father. He went and he wasted his money on a life of ruin. This son ultimately returned to his home. His father saw him coming at a distance. His father ran out to him. His father, we are told, gave him a ring and gave him a robe. His father gave him sandals for his feet. His father killed the fatted calf. All of these things were ways of honoring. When you understand the symbolism of the ring and the robe and even the sandals, you understand that these were expressions of honor. Even the fatted calf was an expression of honor. The father honored this returning son. Incredibly honored him. Most of all, the father honored that son by forgiving him. The greatest honor the father could possibly grant to that son was he forgave him. You see, the reverse must be true. it is not just parents who must forgive their children. It is children who must forgive their parents. We see flaws in our parents, and we’re supposed to forgive those flaws and also we’re supposed to honor our parents by kind of covering those flaws.
You know the story, a fascinating, amazing story in Genesis, Chapter 9, where the Bible speaks of Noah and how Noah was the first man to plant a vineyard and Noah was the first man to make wine and Noah was the first man to get drunk. We’re told in Genesis, Chapter 9, that Noah, becoming drunk, fell on the floor naked in a drunken stupor, unconscious on the floor. Noah’s son, Ham, came in and he laughed at his dad, and he went out and told everybody. Then the Bible tells us that his other two sons, Shem and Japheth, they came in and they saw their dad and they covered up his sham, the Bible says. They covered up his shame and took blankets and they covered him up so that his nakedness could not be seen. They went out in silence, not telling anybody. The Bible tells us “The judgement of God fell upon Ham for he laughed at his father’s flaw.” He laughed at his father’s flaw and told everybody about it. But “The blessing of God,” the Bible tells us, “came upon Shem and Japheth simply because they honored their father.” They honored their father. They covered his shame in silence. I know, I mean I know, some of us have. I feel like very few people in this world have had a mom or dad as wonderful as I was blessed with and am blessed with, I know some of you have had hard experiences in your upbringing and in your home. Some of you have really hard memories regarding your mom or regarding your dad. There is a lot to cover up. Sometimes it’s not healthy to Just cover it up. I know that sometimes you need to talk to somebody about it Some of you have been in counseling and you need to talk about what you went through with your mother or with your father. You need to talk about what ugliness was there in order to find some healing. God understands that God also wants us to understand that in honoring our parents, there should be this attitude that we really don’t want to laugh at their. flaws, and we really don’t want to make fun of them in the sight of others, but we want to see those flaws and forgive them, forgive them and then, in honoring them, kind of cover them up. That is really the will of God. Honor your mom and dad and that involves forgiveness. I think, too, if we would honor our mom and dad, we must care and provide for them. Not just obey. Not just thank. Not just forgive. If we really would honor our mom and dad, we need to care for them, provide for them. You know, normally we think of parents as caring and providing for their children and that is true. But a time comes, a time comes when many children, most children, need to begin to care and provide for mom and dad.
In fact, in Judaism and in the world of Judaism, the fifth commandment was not viewed as applying primarily to children in the home. Rather, the fifth commandment in the world of the Jews, was viewed as referring primarily to adult children and how they treated their elderly parents. This was the primary focus of the fifth commandment in the world of Judaism. It had to do with how adult children treated their elderly parents. Do you honor them? Our Lord Jesus Christ himself, as recorded in Matthew, Chapter 15, and Mark, Chapter 7, became very angry with the Jews. He had this conversation, this dialogue with the Jews, where he told the Jews that they had violated the fifth commandment. He told them they had not honored their mother and their father. He said they had not honored their mother and father because their mothers and fathers were in need, in poverty, in financial need, and they were not helping them. “Instead,” Jesus said, “what you people have done is, you have said to your mom and dad., in the midst of their need you have said that your money and your property is ‘Corban’“. Now when you read. Matthew, Chapter 15, or Mark, Chapter 7, you might wonder what does that word ‘Corban mean? It is a Hebrew word, transliterated into the Greek and also just transliterated into the English. But the word “Corban” referred to a legal category in Judaism where a Jewish person could declare a portion of his property or his money as “given to God,” “devoted to God,” “untouchable” and that money was called “Corban.” Many of the Jews, apparently, were saying to their parents, in the midst of their poverty and need “Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Dad. Can’t help you because, you see, all my money is ‘Corban’. All my property is ‘Corban’. I’ve dedicated it to God as untouchable.” Now they may have intended to give that money to God or maybe they were just kind of using it for their selfish convenience, but Jesus said either way they were wrong. If they had really wanted to honor God, they can’t look at their parents in need. They cannot look at their parents in suffering. They cannot look at their parents in poverty and do nothing. If they really wanted to honor God, they must honor their parents. This was the message that Christ had for them. I think it is the message that Christ has for us today. There comes a point when we need to do all we can use all we have, to try to help mom and dad. That is not just a question of money of course. I mean if we really want to care for our elderly parents, if we want to provide for them, we need to give them our time as well We need to learn to involve them, to include them. Not just on Christmas or Thanksgiving or an occasional telephone call If you really want to honor your mom and dad, you need to try to find ways to include them and involve them. I know a few years back; Barbara and I were privileged to go on sabbatical. We spent two weeks on the island of Kauai, staying at the home of some friends. Just a wonderful home. Being there for two weeks, we asked my mom and dad to come over and join us for a week. We did not know exactly what it would be like. We had Drew. and Heather. Mom and Dad had taken us so many places. Here was a chance for us to kind of be in a place that they could come to free, so we invited them to come and spend a week with us. You know, it was great for us, and I know it was great for them too. We hiked on the Napoli coast with my mom and dad. I am not sure how my mom loved that, but my dad really loved that It was just a way to include them. While we were there in Hawaii, I had an old friend from Glendale, California come to visit me. He came with his wife and a couple of his kids. His father had passed away some time before and his mother was elderly. He told me his mother had asked if she could come with them to Hawaii. He said he had told his mother no He said it was really hard, but he just wanted some time with his wife and his kids. I understand that In fact, the truth of the matter is, I think there might be times when that would be appropriate, but I must say, be careful Be careful because, you see, the call of God upon us is to honor our parents. If we would be honorable in the sight of God, we would honor our mom and dad. Honoring our mom and dad includes caring for them, providing for them and all their needs in their elderly years, those needs they’re. not able to meet. If that requires some financial help, that we would be there as we are able. If it requires some you know, just close friendship, we would be there to be their friends, that we would take the time to involve them and include them and give them dignity, make them feel worthwhile, make them feel wanted and needed. That is part of honoring mom and dad. You know, there’s a blessing. There is a promise that accompanies this commandment. “Honor your mother and father that you may live long in the land which the Lord your God has given you.”
In Israel and in Judaism, this was not viewed as a promise to individuals. It was viewed as a corporate promise. It was not viewed as a promise that if you honor your particular mom and dad, you will have longevity. That is not how the Jewish community understood this commandment. They took it corporately. They took. it as a promise to them as a people and as a nation that if they as a people and a nation, honored their elderly, they honored their parents, they would live long in the land which the Lord their God had given them. That they would dwell in that promised land and that they would be blessed in that promise land. As a nation and as a people, they would be blessed for honoring their parents, honoring their parents in their youth and honoring their parents when their parents were old., I don’t know how God. views America but I must say, this is a scary message for our nation, where our families are so fractured, so neglected. Surely the judgement of God cannot be very distant. We need to pray for our nation in this hour that we might learn to honor our parents that we might live long in the land which the Lord our God has given us, that we might find God’s blessing upon our nation and our people. And then we, ourselves, individually must commit ourselves anew to honor our own moms and dads however we can Let us close with a word of prayer.