THE MARRIAGE COVENANT
DR. JIM DIXON
1 PETER 3
SEPTEMBER 28, 1980
I would like to share with you this morning on the subject of marriage. I know not all of you are married, but you never know. Those of you who are not married may soon find yourself in that state of bliss. I also thought this would be a good week to share on the subject of marriage because our singles retreat is this weekend, and about a hundred of our single people are not here this morning. The way I want to approach this subject this morning is by reviewing with you the vows that I spoke to Barbara on the day that we were married a little less than 10 years ago. On that day, I said, “I, Jim, take you, Barbara, to be my wedded wife. And I do promise and covenant before God and these witnesses to be your loving and faithful husband in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health. As long as we both shall live.”
Those vows are taken from the Presbyterian Book of Common Worship. I am sure they are very similar to the vows that you spoke to your husband or wife on the day that you were married. Those vows are meant to express some of the biblical truths regarding the marriage commitment. There are five concepts that are expressed through those vows, and I would like to briefly review each of those five concepts this morning.
First of all, there is the concept of joining or binding. I said, “I, Jim, take you Barbara, to be my wedded wife.” The word wedded means to join or to bind. So it was that almost 10 years ago, I joined my life to Barbara in Christ. This expresses the biblical truth that a man shall leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife, and the two shall become one (Genesis 2:24).
I read recently that many scientists feel that the city of San Francisco is moving towards Los Angeles at the massive rate of one inch per year. Many scientists and geologists are actually concerned because in 25 and a half million years, the city of San Francisco will be joined to the city of Los Angeles. They will be one. Now, unfortunately, many husbands and wives are coming together at about the same rate, and we do not have 25 and a half million years.
It is as long as we both shall live. The truth is that many husbands and wives do not really care that much about becoming one. Independence is highly sought after in this world. Today, many husbands and wives are preoccupied with doing their own thing, with finding their fulfillment and the development of their own skills and pursuits. There is some beauty to that. But when in selfishness we neglect the fulfillment that comes in our union together in Christ, something is wrong, God has called us to join our lives together as one; and I am convinced after seven years of performing marriage counseling, the one thing more than anything else that destroys marriages is selfishness. I am sure that most of us do not think of ourselves as being selfish, but the truth is that the average person is just selfish enough when left to himself to destroy a marriage.
I remember the first year of our marriage. I watched a lot of football. I watched college football on Saturdays, watched professional football on Sundays, and on Monday nights I watched Howard Cosell on Monday Night Football. It began about that time that Barb and I were married. In that first year of our marriage, I was going to seminary. I had a lot of free time. Barbara was working as a buyer in downtown Los Angeles. We lived in a one-bedroom apartment. One Saturday I was watching a football game. I was eating a cherry turnover. I did a lot of that, and I had ballooned up to 240 pounds. I could take a shower without getting my feet wet. I was sitting there watching the game. I looked over and noticed that Barbara looked kind of depressed. I was concerned about that, so I waited for the next timeout.
I asked Barbara what was wrong. She said, “It really is depressing to know that every weekend you’re just going to be sitting there watching those stupid football games.” I was devastated. I was devastated because football was a big part of my life. My father and my brothers and I went to UCLA football games. We went to USC football games. We watched football games on television. Athletics were a big part of my life. Yet I could see that I had a choice to make. I could do my own thing, spend my weekends pleasing myself, or I could be joined to my wife. I could share my life with her. I decided that I wanted to be joined to Barbara.
Through the years there have been sacrifices that I have made. There have been sacrifices that she has made. But through the years in Christ, we are becoming one, and it is fun. It is beautiful. A couple of weeks ago, we were at a party where we raced around Cherry Creek Lake. Every team had six people on it, and Barb and I were put on different teams. The team that got to the other end of the lake first was the winning team. We rode bikes, and there were various points around the lake where every member of your team had to stop and perform some kind of a task. For instance, everyone on the team had to be able to blow a bubble at least two inches in diameter before the team could move on.
At the end of the race, we were all on the other end of the lake. Barbara and I had not seen each other since the beginning of the race. We were wandering around among the people to find each other. When we saw each other, we walked towards each other and gave each other a big hug. Barb started laughing. She said, “It’s funny. When I first saw you, I thought to myself, there I am.” And I started laughing because I felt kind of the same way when I saw her. It is not as though we have no individuality apart from each other, but somehow in Christ, we are fulfilled in each other. We are completed in each other. We are at home with each other. We are becoming one, and that is how God meant it to be. A man shall leave his mother and father and cleave unto his wife, and the two shall become one.
The second concept that is in the wedding vows is the concept of covenant. I said, “I do promise and covenant before God and these witnesses.” The marriage ceremony is a covenant made before God. I do not think we can really understand the meaning of the word covenant except by the covenant which God has offered to humanity through Jesus Christ. The only way we can understand the concept of covenant is by looking at the new covenant, which is offered in Christ. In that new covenant, the Lord Jesus Christ says to every person in this world, “I love you.” He says, “I give covenant, my life for you. You can accept me or you can reject me, but you cannot change me. I love you. I give myself for you.”
It is not a mutual arrangement, some kind of an agreement. He has said, “I love you. I give myself for you. You can accept me or reject me.” While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). As I come into the marriage covenant, I say to Barbara, in Christ, “I love you. I give myself for you.” There are no contingencies. It is not, I love you if you do the dishes. If you clean the house, I love you. If you make $50,000 a year, I love you. There are no contingencies in Christ. I give myself 100%. There is no kind of a deal. I’ll go 50%. You go 50%. You give yourself as Christ did for us. That is the idea of covenant, as I see it biblically.
Thirdly, in the wedding vows, there is a concept of Christian character, a pledge to Christian character. I said, “I do promise and covenant before God and these witnesses to be your loving and faithful husband,” loving and faithful to qualities that are fruit of the Spirit. As Barb’s husband, I want to learn to be more loving, more faithful. The word love is best expressed through the concepts of service and sacrifice. Jesus Christ said, “Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends” (John 15:13-14a). Love is sacrifice. I want to learn to sacrifice for Barbara.
Love is also service. The Bible says, In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him” (1 John 4:9) Having come into the world, our Lord Jesus said that the son of man has come not to be served, but to serve and to give his life a ransom for many (Mark 10:45). So it is that we, as we enter into marriage in Christ, we must be more willing to serve than we are to be served because that is the expression of Christ’s love.
There is this word, faithful. I pledged. I vowed. I covenanted to be faithful. Recently, Barb and I and our two kids went up to Grand Teton National Park in Yellowstone National Park. We went with one of my brothers, his wife, and their kids. We camped out in the Grand Teton and Yellowstone National Parks. There are many geysers in Yellowstone National Park. The most famous of all the geysers is the geyser that is called Old Faithful. The reason that that geyser is more famous than all the other geysers is simply because that geyser is more faithful. You can trust it. You can count on it. There are other geysers that shoot higher into the air. There are other geysers that are more spectacular, but they are not as trustworthy.
There is a geyser called Giant Geyser. When it erupts, sometimes it shoots over 200 feet into the air. Some years it explodes once or twice. Some years, not at all. You cannot count on it. But every 38 to 90 minutes, you can count on Old Faithful. You can trust it. The Lord Jesus wants us to be trustworthy as husbands—wise, faithful, and loyal. Jesus said to us, I will never fail your or forsake you. He wants us to be that kind of a husband or wife.
There is a story which illustrates this concept of loyalty or faithfulness told by Grant Teaff, football coach at Baylor University. It is a true story. It happened to him and concerns his assistant coach. He had an assistant coach who was very loyal to him. They had just gone through a horrible season. Baylor University had won two games and lost nine. Coach Teaff was feeling miserable. One day he was sitting in his office. The season was over, and he was depressed. His assistant coach, his close friend, came in and said, “Coach, you’re looking awfully down, and this shouldn’t be. You need to forget the season. You need to leave it behind. I think we should take a day and get away. Let’s go hunting for a day.”
Coach Teaff and his assistant coach went hunting. They made arrangements to hunt on a farmer’s farm. They did not know the farmer. When they got there, coach Teaff got out of the pickup truck and left the assistant coach in the truck. He went to the door to meet the farmer. As he opened the door, the farmer said, “Coach Teaff, I just want to tell you how honored I am to meet you, sir. I think you are the greatest coach in the state of Texas today. I think you are the greatest coach in America. I think Baylor University is the best university in America. I think you’re building a foundation on that football team that’s going to bear fruit in all the years to come. I just want you to know, sir, that I’m honored to meet you, and I’m honored to have you here.”
The coach was very pleased. He smiled and said, “Thank you. I want you to know that I’m happy to be here. I’m looking forward to a good day of hunting.” The farmer said, “That’s great. There’s just one thing that I would ask you to do. Coach said, “What’s that? ” The farmer said, “You see that mule over there?” Coach Teaff said, “Yeah.” The farmer said, “That Mule is 25 years old. It’s sick and diseased, and he needs to be put to sleep. But my wife and I love that old mule. We just can’t bring ourselves to shoot it. Coach, I’d like you to shoot that mule.” Coach Teff said, “Sir, I’ll do anything for y’all. Chop wood. I’ll do anything, but I don’t want to shoot your mule.” The farmer said, “Sir, my wife and I, we can’t do it. Would you please shoot our mule?” Coach Teaff said, “All right.”
Coach Teaff headed back to the pickup truck. A smile came across his face and he thought, I’m going to pull a practical joke on the assistant coach. He got into the pickup truck, and he said, “Boy, am I mad?” The assistant coach said, “What happened?” Coach Teaff replied, “I’ve never been talked to like that before in my life. You know what that farmer said to me? He told me that I’m the worst coach in the state of Texas. He said, I’m the worst coach in America today.” He said Baylor University is the worst university in America today. He said we don’t deserve to wear the uniforms that are on our backs. He said we stink on the field.”
Coach Teaff said, “You know what I’m going to do? His assistant coach said, “What’s that?” Coach Teaff replied, “See that mule over there?” The assistant coach said, “Yeah.” Coach said, “I’m going to shoot that farmer’s mule.”
The assistant coach was stunned. Coach Teff took out the rifle out and aimed it at that mule. He took one shot, and it was perfect. The mule dropped to the ground. He looked over at the farmer. The farmer nodded his head. The coach smiled back.
Suddenly, behind him, the coach heard two shots. He turned around and saw the assistant coach jumping back into the truck saying, “Coach, let’s get out of here! I just got two of his cows!”
In any event, that is a story. That is a story that Coach Grant Teaff told to illustrate the concept of loyalty and faithfulness. Certainly, that assistant coach was loyal. Perhaps he was loyal to an extreme. As husbands and wives, we should want to be loyal. I trust and pray that you want to be faithful not just when the going is easy, but when things are kind of hard.
There is a fourth concept that is expressed in the wedding vows, and it is the concept of steadfastness. I said, “I, Jim, take you Barbara, to be my wife. I do promise and covenant before God and these witnesses to be your loving and faithful husband in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health.” Steadfastness through the mountaintops and valleys of life. I promise to be steadfast. The Greek word that is used in the scriptures and is translated steadfast is the word hupomeno. That word literally means to abide under, to be able to abide under a great weight.
That is what it takes to be steadfast. There are a lot of weights, a lot of stresses, a lot of trials, a lot of tribulations in a marriage. But if you are steadfast, you are going to be patient. You are going to be able to stand through the midst of all those weights and pressures, though it is not easy. Maybe you are a husband, and you are having a hard time in your marriage. Maybe you are not communicating well with your wife. Maybe you do not feel like you are understood. Maybe you know that you are not being the kind of husband you need to be. Maybe you feel guilty, and that is a real weight on your shoulders. Maybe things are not going well for you at work. You are not getting along with your boss. Maybe things are not going well financially. You are not able to pay your bills. You do not know where the money is coming from. Maybe things are not going well with your children, and your son or daughter is beginning to go astray. Maybe your health is falling apart. Maybe all these things are happening to you at once. How can you be steadfast in the midst of all that? How can you be patient with your wife or with your husband in the midst of all the stresses of life?
I recently heard the story of a father who was walking through a grocery store, pushing his grocery cart. He was doing the shopping, and he had his baby in the grocery cart. The baby was crying, and the father was seen to put his hand on the baby, pat him, and say, “Keep calm, Albert. Keep calm.” They went along a little further, and this woman was watching him. They passed each other as they went up and down the aisles of the grocery store. Every time she saw him, the baby was screaming, and the father was saying, “Keep calm, Albert. Keep calm.” Finally, she went up to him and said, “Sir, I just want to tell you. I want to compliment you on your patience with the baby, Albert. The father said, “Ma’am, you don’t understand. I’m Albert.”
In the midst of all the stresses and trials of your life, it is not going to help to simply say to yourself, “Keep calm.” I can go through all the pressures of life, all the weights, and I can say, “Keep calm, Jim. Keep calm.” But it is not going do the trick. Tension and anxiety are going to begin to show. They are going to begin to affect the way I treat Barbara. I am not going to be steadfast, I am not going to be able to bear up under all that weight. There is only one answer.
That answer is learning to give all of your trials and tribulations to the Lord Jesus. He has strong shoulders. He can bear up under all the stresses and tensions of your life. Peter says, ” Cast all your anxieties on him, for he cares about you” (1 Peter 5:7). That is the key to steadfastness in marriage each day. Learning to give your weights to Jesus Christ.
When Barbara and I were in Yellowstone National Park on our vacation a few weeks ago, my brother and I were taking a jog. It was early in the morning. We became tired, and we stopped at a gas station. We talked to the gas station attendant and told him we were looking for something to do that day. We told him we would like to go swimming somewhere with our families.
He said, “I’ll tell you a neat spot.” He said, “None of the tourists even know about this spot. It’s only known by people who live here.” He said, As you enter into the Yellowstone National Park, there is a little sign that says, ‘Crawfish Creek.’ There is no place to park your car; but if you pull your car over to the side of the road as best you can, there is a little trail. If you go down that trail, you’ll find a beautiful waterfall. It’s called Moose Falls, but there’s no sign. All that water comes thundering down from 40 or 50 feet, and it falls into a pool. The water in that pool is 75 to 80 degrees because there’s a thermal springs upriver. You can swim in that pool, and I bet you there’ll be nobody there.”
So, with my brother’s family and my family, we drove there. We hiked down that trail, and sure enough, there was this beautiful waterfall, this great pool. We went swimming together and swam there for half a day. We had it to ourselves, and it was really beautiful. My brother, Greg, and I decided that we were going to swim behind the waterfall. There was tons of water coming down in that waterfall; but off to the side, there was a section where the water coming down was not quite as thick. We swam there to get behind the falls. When you are first swimming through that water, you cannot breathe for a second because of all the water that is coming down over your face. But once you break through, it is peaceful and calm; and it is beautiful back there.
We came back out and decided we were going to ask our wives if they wanted to go back behind the waterfall. Greg’s wife is named Barbara, just like my wife. We decided we would ask them if they wanted to go behind the waterfall with us. Greg’s wife did, but my wife did not. Finally, because Greg’s wife was going to go back there, Barb said she would do it. We started swimming towards the waterfall. As we got there, Barbara began to hyperventilate because she was nervous. She said, “I just don’t want to go through that. It looks like it’s coming down pretty heavy.” I said, “Barbara, if you’ll grab a hold of my shoulders, I’ll do all the swimming. You can just relax. I’ll take you through the waterfall.” She said, “All right” and held on. We took off and almost drowned; but as we got through the waterfall, we broke into the backside where it was beautiful and calm.
It occurs to me, that that is what Jesus Christ offers to do for us with the trials and tribulations, the pressures and weights of life. He says, “Take hold of me.” He says, “I have strong shoulders. I’ll take you through this thing, and I’ll get you through to the peaceful, calm, and tranquility beyond. Trust me.” That is the key to steadfastness, trusting Jesus. He is the mighty fortress to protect us, to protect our marriage, to protect us in the midst of all the trials of life.
My favorite song is “A Mighty Fortress is our God.” You may have noticed many times when I preach we sing “A Mighty Fortress is our God.” Martin Luther wrote the song. What Martin Luther had in mind when he wrote that song was the great fortress castles of Europe, mighty fortresses. If you have ever been to Edinburgh, Scotland, you will have seen that great castle standing on a hill. It was impenetrable from all sides, and anyone who was inside that castle was safe. That’s how it is with Christ. You give your life to Him and move within those castle walls of the kingdom of Christ, and you are protected. You give your marriage to Him, and your marriage moves within that fortress. It is protected. The problem is that sometimes in the midst of all the tribulations and valleys of life, we forget. We step outside of the castle walls for a little while and try to do things on our own.
When we try to carry the weight on our shoulders, we begin to fall. It begins to affect the way we treat one another. We begin to show tension and irritability, and we need to be reminded that we need to come back within those walls of protection that Christ has provided. We begin to spend time together in the word of God, time together in prayer, and time fellowshipping with other Christian couples. That is the key to steadfastness in marriage.
Our final concept with the wedding vows is the concept of permanence. I said, “I promise to be your loving and faithful husband as long as we both shall live.” That is a commitment that the world is no longer willing to make. But Christ has called us to make that commitment as husbands and wives. Sometimes even as Christians, we lose our perspective. We have made a commitment of time, but we lose our perspective of time.
I am sure all of you are familiar with the giant sequoias in the Sierra Nevada mountains in California. There is one sequoia tree called the General Sherman tree. That tree is 36 feet wide and 272 feet high. It is almost as tall as a football field is long. That tree is 3,500 years old, and it’s still alive. When Moses was born, that tree was rising from the earth. When the daughter of Pharaoh took Moses out of the river, that tree was just beginning to grow. When our Lord Jesus walked this earth, that tree was already 1500 years old. Now it is 3,500 years old, and it is still alive. But each and every one of you who believe in Jesus Christ has eternal life. So compared to you, the life of that tree pales in comparison. It is nothing. You have everlasting, never-ending life if you have given your life to Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.
There is no way I know what my relationship to Barbara will be in eternity. I know we are going to be brother and sister, but I do not know what special qualities will be there. I do know that in this life I am her husband and she is my wife, and I want to be loving and faithful. I made that covenant before God until I am with Him or she is with Him. A Christian marriage is a very special thing. This life on earth is a time of preparation for the next life. This time on earth is a time of preparation for eternity.
Of all the classrooms in this life, there is no classroom greater than the classroom of marriage. It is in the classroom of marriage that you learn to love, that you learn that all the Christlike qualities by the power of the Spirit begin to be infused into your life. Many people are dropping out of the classroom. They are dropping out of the course, and they are losing all the benefits that will come. The world cannot possibly understand the beauty that comes from two lives joined together in Jesus Christ. Going through the mountaintops and valleys of life. Joined as one learning to weep when the other weeps and rejoicing when the other rejoices. The fellowship. The incredible close friendship that comes through it all as you trust in Jesus.
That is what Christ wants for you. The Bible tells us that a Christian marriage is meant to express symbolically something of the beauty of the eternal relationship between Christ and the church. We are told in the Bible that even as the church looks to Jesus Christ and seeks to honor Him in her life, so it is that Christian wives are to look to their husbands and seek to honor them in their life. The Bible tells us that even as the Lord Jesus Christ loved the church and gave His life for her so it is that Christian husbands are to love their wives and to give their lives for them each day. In Christ we are subject to one another, and we have this service to each other. It is a great mystery. It is one that cannot be received by the world but only by those who know and love Jesus Christ.
Shall we pray? Father, thank You so much for Your love for us. Thank You for your offer of salvation and eternal life through Your Son. Thank You for the privilege of marriage. Thank You for every mother and wife here. Thank You for every father and husband here. Lord, we pray Your blessings on every marriage in this place. Help us to be loving and faithful. Help us to be more willing to serve than to be served. We give You the praise and the glory. We pray these things, Lord Jesus, in your great name. Amen.