RELATIONSHIP ROAD TRIP
YIELD
DR. JIM DIXON
SEPTEMBER 23, 2007
PHILIPPIANS 2:3-11
Wednesdays are my day off. This past Wednesday morning, I went and golfed nine holes with Dix Winston, who teaches in our adult education ministry. We golfed nine holes at Inverness Golf Club near County Line. As I was coming home Wednesday morning, I got on the on ramp for I-25 South. I was coming from the east on County Line, and I noticed that other people coming from the west on County Line were also coming onto I-25 South. Our two lanes were merging. As our two lanes merged, their lane had a yield sign. You know what that means . . . it means absolutely nothing. So, as I approached the merge, the people coming from the west had a yield sign; but they just plowed right through. There were like four or five cars, and they didn’t even slow down. In fact, I wound up having to put on my brakes and kind of pull over so they could go through.
This thought occurred to me: We live in a nation, perhaps in a world, where there are a lot of people who don’t want to yield. There are a lot of people who really don’t like yielding. I think some people view yield signs as a test, almost a contest to see who really is going to yield. It’s kind of like that game “chicken.” But as followers of Christ . . . As we take this road trip, this journey called life, Jesus wants us to understand that our relationships can only find health if we learn when and how to yield.
So, this morning, we have two teachings. The first teaching is simply that Jesus calls His people in this journey of life to be servant-hearted and to put others first. He wants us to be servant-hearted and put others first. I think this is one of the hardest things for us as followers of Christ. I think this teaching is contrary to the world’s way of thinking. Because we are fallen, this teaching is even contrary to our own natures. We more naturally want to serve ourselves and put ourselves first. So, Jesus gives us this teaching.
About four years ago, I made a confession to the congregation. I confessed that I had received my first pedicure. Of course, that happened in San Diego. Barb and I were at a national pastor’s conference, and we had an afternoon free. I said to Barb, “I’d like us to go to the seaside village or maybe over to La Jolla to see Seal Rock.” Barb said she really needed to get a pedicure. I said, “Well, what am I going to do while you get a pedicure?” Barb said, “Why don’t you join me, and you can get a pedicure too? We’re a thousand miles from Cherry Hills Community Church, and there won’t be anyone there who knows you. So, give it a try.”
So, I went with Barb and sat right next to her. We both received pedicures. I put my feet in this little Jacuzzi with the jet blowing into the tub, and it kind of felt good. They wash your feet as you’re sitting in a chair with a back massager. They wash your feet and trim your nails. Then they massage your feet and your calves. It kind of feels good. If you’re a woman, they put toenail polish on. For guys, they buff your nails. So, I left there feeling really buff! I confessed that four years ago to the congregation.
A week after confessing that, I went to an elder board meeting, one of our session meetings. Of course, we have wonderful elders in our church. We truly do. They serve Christ faithfully, and it’s a privilege for me to serve Jesus Christ with them. One of our elders is Ron Gasho. When I arrived at the session meeting, Ron wanted to present a gift to me in front of the elder board, kind of a special presentation. He presented to me, in front of the elders, this gift of a home pedicure kit so I would never need to embarrass myself or the church with a public pedicure.
Of course, there’s really nothing embarrassing about a pedicure, truly. The word “pedicure” just comes from the Latin “pogus,” which means “foot,” and “cura,” which means “to care for”—”to care for the foot.” When the Latin is rendered to the Greek, it becomes “podus” and “chara,” which is the Greek word for “grace” or “mercy.” So, really, a pedicure is having a little mercy on your feet.
In the ancient biblical world in the time of Jesus Christ, pedicures were pretty important because the roads were dirty and dusty. People wore sandals, and their feet were exposed. Whenever you entered any house or home in the Roman, Greek, or Jewish world, you were expected to take care of your feet first thing. You were expected to have a pedicure. Of course, most homes in the Roman, Greek, and Jewish world had household servants and even slaves. It was these slaves who gave pedicures when people came in from outside. They washed the feet.
In John’s Gospel, the 13th chapter, we have this amazing scene where Jesus Christ, the Son of God, decides to give His disciples a pedicure. So, He girds Himself with a towel. He said to them, “You call Me Master and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I, then, your Master and Lord, have washed your feet, how much more ought you to wash one another’s feet? I’ve given you an example. You should follow in My steps.”
So it was that He girded Himself with a towel and went to each disciple individually. He cared for their feet, washed their feet, and gave them a pedicure. It was a lesson contrary to the thinking of the world. Jesus, Son of God, had taken on the role of a servant and a slave. He exhorted all who followed Him to do the same thing—to be servants and slaves, to wash the feet of other people. This is an amazing concept that turns the world on its head.
In Matthew’s Gospel, chapter 20, you have a woman, a mother, coming up to Jesus. Her sons are James and John. Jesus had nicknamed her sons, “Sons of Thunder.” We don’t know why. Perhaps they may have had great spirit and temper. Anyway, their mother came up to Jesus and she had a request. Jesus said, “What is it you want of Me?” She said, “Grant that when You come into Your eternal kingdom, my sons James and John could sit at Your side, one at Your right hand and one at Your left when You come into Your power.” A humble little request of the Son of God. You know how Jesus responded. Jesus said, “You know how the rulers of the Gentiles, the lords of the nations . . . you know how they love to lord it over people, and their rulers love to exercise authority over people. It shall not be so amongst you, for he who would be the greatest among you must be your servant; and he who would be first among you must be your slave. Even as the Son of Man came not to be served, but rather to serve and give His life, a ransom for many.” What an amazing teaching.
As we take this road trip called life and as we experience so many relationships, Jesus wants us to understand how important it is to be servant-hearted, to have the heart of a slave, and to put others first. In that passage in Matthew 20, there are two incredible words. First, the word “diakonos.” “Diakonos” is the Greek word that comes from “dia,” which means “through,” and “konos,” the etymology of which is uncertain. “Konos” might come from a root word meaning “dust,” or it might come from a root word meaning “trouble.” On one hand, it would mean “through the dust.” On the other hand, it would mean “through the trouble.” But the concept of “diakonos,” the word for servant, is that it’s someone willing to be troubled, someone willing to get his or her hands dirty in order to help another human being. “Diakonos” is the word from which we get the word “deacon.” It’s being willing to get your hands dirty or willing to be troubled in order to help another person.
The other word in this passage from Jesus is “doulos,” which is the Greek word for “slave.” In the ancient world at the time of Christ . . . in the major cities like Rome, Corinth, Ephesus, and Antioch, one third of the population consisted of slaves. Another third had once been slaves but had attained manumission. The final third was truly free. Even those who had once been slaves were still stigmatized with the stigma of slave. So, Jesus takes this word, “doulos”; and as He turns the world on its head, He makes it a glorious word.
I know it’s hard for me, and maybe it’s hard for you to wake up every day and think, “Hey! Who can I serve? Who can I put first?” Our natural tendency is to want to make ourselves happy. Our natural tendency is to want to put ourselves first. Jesus has called us to a different life, a different journey, a different road trip. We’re supposed to wake up each day and ask, “Who can I serve today? Who can I put before myself today?” That’s hard. I think we all have limits in terms of the amount of service we’re willing to render.
I want to read a little joke to you. It’s actually a pretty funny story. It’s the story of a guy who was feeling sick. In fact, he had been sick for a couple of months. He was going to the doctor for a series of tests. He was kind of nervous, so his wife went with him. After the medical tests, the doctor asked to speak to the wife alone. So, the wife went into the doctor’s office and the husband went into the hallway. The doctor said to her, “Your husband has a very serious condition. He has a neurological disease, a neurological disorder that could be fatal. This is a matter of life and death. This disease, this disorder, this neurological problem is augmented by stress; and so, we need to create a stress-free environment for your husband. I’m going to ask you to make a sacrifice as his wife. I know that you’re a career woman, but I want to ask you to quit your job. I want to ask you to help create a stress-free environment for your husband.”
“I want you to get up every morning a half hour before your husband and clean up, put on a cheerful dress, greet your husband with a smile. I want you to prepare a nutritious breakfast, preferably with fruits and grains. I want you to send your husband off to work with a hug, a kiss, and a smile. After your husband leaves, I would like you to get into some grubby clothes and begin to scrub the floors and clean the house. I want you to create a stress-free environment physically with no allergens. There can be no pathogens in the house, no viral or bacterial sources of infection. I want you to make the house spotless so that there would be no physiological stress there. I want your husband to come home for lunch every day so we can control his lunch environment. I would like you to clean up again before lunch, dress up, and, when your husband comes home, be there with a smile. Prepare a very healthy lunch high in protein and send him out again with another hug and a kiss. Then, as the afternoon begins, just relax a little and take some time for yourself.”
“Then, about mid-afternoon, I’d like you to prepare yourself for your husband’s homecoming that night. Ready yourself again. Make yourself beautiful. When your husband comes to the door, I’d like you to greet him with a smile and put him in his favorite chair, hopefully a recliner. Give him his newspaper, give him the TV remote control, and let him just relax there. Then go and prepare a wonderful meal for him. For dinner, just give him all the things he loves to eat. After dinner, have him sit down and rest while you tidy up the kitchen. Then, lay out his pajamas, draw his bath, and be attentive that night . . . and, of course, be as romantic as possible. Remember, this is really critical because this disease could be fatal. It’s a matter of life and death.”
The wife nodded that she understood, and she left the doctor’s office. She met her husband in the hall, and they walked out to the car together. They got into the car. The husband turned to her and said, “Well, what did the doctor say?” She was silent for a moment, and then she turned to him and said, “The doctor said you’re going to die.”
There are limits. There are boundaries for most of us. There’s only so much service we’re willing to render, right? Yet, we’re on a journey where we’re learning. Hopefully, as we follow Jesus, we’re learning what it means to serve each other, to be servant-hearted, and to put the other first. So, it’s a growth process, and it takes time.
Some of you have seen the movie, “About a Boy.” “About a Boy” is about a boy in Britain, a boy who has no father, a boy who is lonely, a boy who is kind of damaged at the core and has low self-esteem, a boy who is made fun of by other kids. It’s about a boy who actually picks a man to be his dad. This boy tried to adopt this man, and the man is played by Hugh Grant. The problem with Hugh Grant is that he doesn’t want to be adopted. He doesn’t want to be this boy’s dad, and he’s very, very selfish. He just lives for himself. He lives to make himself happy, and he doesn’t have any servant¬-heartedness at all. He doesn’t want to serve this kid, but this kid is relentless. It’s a beautiful movie. In the movie, the boy is servant-hearted towards his mom. He just wants to make his mom happy. And this man, who learns to be servant-hearted through this boy, enters the boy’s world, seeks to make the boy happy, and is even willing to share the boy’s humiliation.
Life’s a journey like that. I think it’s a journey like that for all of us—learning to enter the world of other people, learning to actually remove our focus from ourselves and begin to focus on others. It’s a journey of how to put others first and how to seek to bless other people. It’s learning how to deny ourselves and sometimes suffer for the sake of other people. As we take this road trip, Jesus tells us that this is the key to relationships.
Beth Giacomo is a gal on our staff here at the church. She’s co-director of our preschool and part of Cherry Hills Christian Schools. She is also a friend of my wife Barb. They are in a hiking group together. A couple of weeks ago, Beth sent me a copy of an article from an old newspaper. The article was about four chaplains who gave their lives during World War II. These four chaplains served on the Dorchester. On February 3, 1943, the Dorchester went down in the cold icy waters off the coast of Greenland. There were not enough life boats or life jackets. These four chaplains gave their life jackets away. They gave them to other people so that other people might live, all the while knowing that they themselves would die.
Those who saw it described the four chaplains as standing together as the ship went down, all of them holding hands—four guys holding hands and going down together. Three of them were Christians, two Protestants, one Catholic. The other was a Jewish Rabbi. They gave their lives, and they held hands in death. I had read that story a number of times in a number of sources. But this article actually described how the four chaplains were posthumously given the Distinguished Service Cross. It was kind of cool to read about that.
I thought of Ephesians 5, where it describes the relationship between a husband and a wife. It’s a controversial passage, and many women have been offended because the passage begins with Paul writing, “Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.” But then Paul gives some illustrations of submission, and he asks wives to submit themselves to their husbands as the Church universal submits itself to Jesus. The word for “submit” in the Greek is “hupotasso,” and it means “to arrange yourself under,” “to willingly arrange yourself under.” So, Paul is asking wives to willingly choose to submit to their husbands. Many women have found this offensive for decades, for centuries, and perhaps for millennia.
But the thought occurs to me as I look at Ephesians 5, “Why aren’t men mad?” When you read Paul’s instructions to men in Ephesians 5, Paul tells men to die. That’s what he tells men to do. Die. Die for your wife, just as Jesus gave His life and died for the Church. Die for your wife. Lay down your life for your wife. The passage implies continuously: lay down your life daily. Die daily for your wife. Why doesn’t that offend men?
The point is that, in Christ, we’re all to be servant-hearted. I’m supposed to die for Barb every day. I’m supposed to choose that. I’m supposed to lay down my life every day—whatever it means, whatever it takes. That would be servant-hearted. Christ calls all of His people to servant-heartedness. It doesn’t matter what your gender is—male, female, old, or young . . . As we take this road trip together with Christ, we are to learn to be servant¬-hearted to each other.
There’s a second teaching, and it’s actually a word of caution. It’s a word of caution, and it’s very important. This second teaching concerns co-dependency. As we are servant-hearted toward each other, and as we put other people first, we don’t want to become co-dependent. We don’t want to enable other people’s addictions and sins. So, a word of caution, also from Christ.
Johnny Cash was a great talent and a very, very gifted man. He was addicted to drugs and alcohol. Ultimately, he found victory through Christ, and he gave his heart to Jesus. It probably would not have happened had he been surrounded by enablers and co-dependent people; but he was surrounded by people who loved him enough to call him to account, particularly June Carter, his wife. She was also a Christian, and she loved Jesus Christ. She was servant-hearted, and she wanted to put Johnny first; but she refused to enable his sin.
How hard it must be for a husband or a wife if their spouse is addicted to drugs or alcohol. Perhaps some of you have known that experience or are in the midst of that kind of relationship right now. How hard that must be. Initially, the psychological community developed the term “co¬-dependency” to refer to families where there’s an alcoholic or a drug addict, and the whole family’s life has changed. They’re all struggling to keep the drug addict afloat and almost enabling him in his addiction and sin. Now, the psychological community has broadened the scope, and co¬-dependency refers to any enabling behavior when people are engaged in addictions, dangerous patterns, or bad patterns.
Thirty years ago, on August 16, Elvis Presley died. The coroner found codeine, morphine, quaaludes, and valium in his body. They found 14 different prescription drugs in the body of Elvis Presley when he died. Allegedly, all were from Dr. Nichopoulos who, for some reason, enabled Elvis Presley in his addiction. Maybe he was just so excited about having Elvis for a friend. Of course, Elvis Presley was surrounded by an entourage. A lot of famous people have entourages, and they tend to be enablers who don’t really seek what’s best for the person that they’re with.
Christ calls us to be servant-hearted and to put others before ourselves, but not in the sense of co-dependency. Co-dependency is not real love, not in the sense of enabling people in their sin and their addiction. You’ve got to be tough, and it’s hard. Of course, you’ve got to ask the question, “If I can’t change my wife, if I can’t change my husband, if I can’t change my friend, can I live with it?” If not, you’ve got to make a tough decision. Life’s tough. This journey is tough. This road trip is hard.
In 2 Thessalonians 3, the Apostle Paul is writing to the church at Thessalonica, and he’s talking to them about the sin of sloth and how some people are just lazy. Paul speaks of people who are “ergazomai peri ergazomai,” “working around working”—people who just won’t go to work, won’t get a job. These are not people who can’t go to work or who can’t get a job. These are people who won’t go to work and won’t get a job. Paul says, “If anyone will not work, let him not eat.” Don’t be co-dependent, not even as a church or congregation. Don’t be co-dependent.
This is a tough teaching. Obviously, we all have flaws. We’re all sinners. We all have eccentricities. As we saw last week, we’re all messed up. I think it’s true that we all want a little mercy. We all want a little grace. We want people to forebear us in the midst of our problems, and God wants that too. He wants us to love each other, and He wants us to have patience with each other.
Then there are just some things that are eccentricities. Life’s filled with relationships like that. Through the years, one of the things I’ve had happen, for some reason again and again, is this: people with strange medical counsel and strange medical views share those views with me. I don’t know whether you’ve ever had anything like that. For instance, I might be talking to somebody, and they’ll be saying, “The world really needs to know about the importance of a weekly herbal enema. A weekly herbal enema is able to literally cleanse the body, the soul, and the spirit. It provides longevity, and it cures us even emotionally.” When someone says something like that to me—and I’ve heard stuff like that a lot—I literally just hope that my facial expression is unreadable.
If you’re talking to somebody like that, you have a choice to challenge them medically or scientifically, even psychologically and theologically. You could choose to do that as opposed to yielding. You could challenge that; but what I’ve experienced is that when you start challenging stuff like that, it is the end of relationship—because for a lot of people, that eccentricity is rooted in fear. They’ve got to feel like they can completely control their health and their future. It’s just hard for them to let go of it. So, if you’re going to be a friend with somebody like that, you’ve just got to forebear it. Maybe, with a little grace, in small increments over long periods of time, you can help a little. That’s life. We all need somebody to forebear us because we’ve got different eccentricities and different needs. We need to be servant-hearted, and we need to put others first; but when there are sinful patterns with serious addictions, we can’t fall into enabling co-dependency.
As we close, I want to mention this book called “Velvet Elvis.” It’s a book written by Rob Bell. Rob Bell is the Founding Pastor of Mars Hill Church, which has been one of the fastest growing churches in the world. I’ve gone to a lot of conferences where Rob has been there. I like his teaching. He’s a very, very gifted teacher. I love the conclusions that he reaches biblically, though I do think he has a tendency to make stuff up. There’s a section in this book where he’s talking about that moment where Jesus is with His disciples and Jesus says to Peter and His disciples, “I will build My Church, and the gates of hell will not prevail against it.”
Rob Bell rightly points out that Jesus makes that statement in the district of Caesarea Philippi . . . and Rob Bell is right. He says that Caesarea Philippi was a primary center for the worship of the god Pan . . . and that’s also true. We know that historically. Caesarea Philippi was a great center of Pan worship. Rob Bell points out that the symbol of the god Pan was the goat . . . and that’s also true. He points out that sex and sexual addictions were just rampant in the cult of Pan and in the regions of the temples of Pan . . . and that’s also true. He points out that in Caesarea Philippi, at the great temple of Pan, there were goats in the temple court area. And people would actually have sex with goats. That’s true. He’s right about that.
He points out that the disciples were very young, some of them maybe 15, 16, 17 to 20. We don’t know whether that’s true. Rob Bell is basing that on Hebrew rabbinical practice, where members of the Talmadim, members of the disciples, had to go to “Bet Sefer,” then “Bet Midrash,” and then “Bet Talmud”; typically, they entered into discipleship at age 15. We really don’t know the ages of Jesus’ disciples. But Rob Bell says that for the disciples to be with Jesus at a place like this, 25 miles north of Galilee . . . these young men, these kids, perhaps teenagers were probably saying, “Oh, Man. When we get home . . . and if our parents find out, we’re going to be so busted.” Maybe that’s true. Maybe they were thinking like that.
Rob Bell says that behind the temple of Pan in Caesarea Philippi, there was a cliff; and in the face of the cliff, there was a huge crack. That crack was called “the Gates of Hell.” He says that when Jesus said to His disciples, “I’ll build My Church, and the gates of hell will not prevail against it,” he would have been standing in front of the Temple of Pan with the gates of hell behind it. He would have been saying to His disciples, “I’m building My Church, and people like you see here—pagans involved in sexual addictions—they’re all going to be invited into My Church from all over the world. Nothing can stop it.”
I’ve researched Caesarea Philippi. I can’t find any evidence that there was a cliff behind the Temple of Pan or that it had a crack called “The Gates of Hell.” I can’t find evidence of that; but, it is true that Christ builds His Church, and He invites the world in. That’s true. He invites the world in. He invites pagans, sex addicts, sinners. He invites people with flaws and eccentricities. He invites people who are messed up. He invites people like us into His Church. What a great deal it is. He set it up in such a way that we help each other, and His power is released in our midst.
I hope you understand that Jesus Christ has power. He has all authority in heaven and on earth. I hope you understand that if you’re involved in a sexual addiction or an addiction to drugs or an addiction to alcohol—any kind of addictive pattern—Christ loves you. He’s invited you into His Church, and He has power to heal you. He wants us to repent. He wants us to invite Him to change us, and He wants us to submit to each other as brothers and sisters in Christ. He wants us to hold each other accountable. He wants us to seek the help of counselors, to be willing to go through a process for healing. There is hope. There’s great hope, and it’s awesome. Jesus Christ has power to bring down strongholds in order to give freedom to the oppressed. He has this power. Don’t ever doubt it.
Jesus has given us this great example of how to treat each other, and we see that in Philippians 2. “Have this mind among yourselves which is yours in Christ Jesus, who though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped [the Greek word is capable of meaning ‘clutched’]. But emptied Himself, taking on the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of man. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself and became obedient unto death, even death on a cross.”
That’s the pattern—entering the world of other people, humbling yourself, becoming a servant. That’s the pattern. That’s what the yield sign means, and it’s so critical to the journey. It’s so critical to this road trip and our relationships that we learn what it means to yield and to be servant¬-hearted and to put others first, just as Jesus did. Jesus came into our world and put us first. We too, are to do this in a healthy way that doesn’t involve co-dependency. Let’s close with a word of prayer.