Friendship

SINGLE SERMON SERIES
FRIENDSHIP
DR. JIM DIXON
1 SAMUEL 20:12
APRIL 7, 1991

David was king of Israel and a man after God’s own heart. He was a skilled warrior, musician, and diplomat. But to Jonathan, David was his very best friend. The friendship of Jonathan and David is the most famous friendship in the Bible, and one of the best-known friendships in all of history.

Their friendship was great in the sight of God. As we examine their friendship, we see two qualities of true friendship. The first is loyalty. David was loyal to Jonathan and Jonathan was loyal to David. God wants you to be a loyal friend and to have friends that are loyal.

There is an old story about Grant Teff who was the football coach at Baylor University. One year Baylor had a particularly bad football season. At the end of the season, Grant Teff was depressed and decided he would get away with his best friend, the assistant coach. They decided to go on a hunt. Coach made arrangements with a farmer in Texas to hunt on the farmer’s property.

When they arrived at the farm Coach left his friend in the pickup truck and knocked on the farmer’s door. The farmer was gracious and expressed his love for Baylor University and the football team. He expressed that it’s been a hard year and is confident the team is going to do great in the years to come. He encouraged the coach that he was doing a good job. The farmer said to the coach, “I have one request. Do you see that mule over there?” Coach said, “Sure, I see the mule.” The farmer said, “I want you to shoot my mule.”

Coach Teff said, “Oh, Sir, I can’t shoot your mule.” The farmer said, “Well, you see that mule is old, diseased, and in a lot of pain. It really needs to be shot and I just can’t bring myself to do it. So could you shoot my mule for me?” Coach Teff said, “Well, all right.”

As he headed back to the pickup truck, he decided he was going to play a little joke on his friend. He opened the door of the pickup truck, and said, “Boy, am I mad!” His friend looked kind of surprised. Coach Teff said, “I can’t believe what that farmer said to me. He said he hates Baylor University and thinks our football team stinks and the program is a disgrace to the state of Texas. He thinks I’m a horrible coach. He said things to me that no man should ever say to another human being. I’m so mad. You know what I’m going to do? See that mule over there? I’m going to shoot that farmer’s mule.” He took his rifle out of the pickup truck and resting it on the open window of his open door, he lined up the shot and pulled the trigger. With one shot, the mule dropped to the ground.

With a smile on his face, he started to get back into the pickup truck. Suddenly he heard two more shots. He was startled to see his friend jumping back into the pickup truck saying, “Let’s get out of here. I just got two of his cows!” Now, you see that’s loyalty. It’s also stupidity but it’s certainly loyalty.

I think most of us desire loyalty in our friendships, perhaps in particularly tough times. In Proverbs, chapter 17, verse 17, the Bible says, “A true friend loves at all times. Not just in good times, but also in bad times.” And in Proverbs, chapter 18, verse 24, the Bible says, “A true friend, sticks closer than a brother.” A true friend is loyal. The Bible condemns fair-weather friendship. The Bible calls Christians to loyalty in their friendships.

David and Jonathan were loyal to each other. David was loyal to Jonathan even after Jonathan was tragically killed in battle with the Philistines in the Battle of Mount Gilboa. When David heard of Jonathan’s death, he wept and he wrote a psalm of lamentation where he expressed his love for Jonathan and the depth of their friendship. David went on to seek friendship and provide for Jonathan’s son, Mephibosheth, and for Jonathan’s grandson, whose name was Micah. He was hopeful that the name of Jonathan might be joined with the house of David forever.

The loyalty of David to Jonathan, great as it was, paled in comparison to the loyalty that Jonathan had for David. If you remember the story, you know, that King Saul was trying to kill David. Jonathan warned David. It was Jonathan who appealed to the king for David’s life. It was Jonathan who risked his own life. This is all the more remarkable considering King’s Saul was Jonathan’s father. Jonathan was the Prince of Israel. Jonathan was the son of King Saul. Jonathan was the heir to the throne. But God had chosen David to be anointed by Samuel as King. David and Jonathan understanding accepted the reality. Jonathan was pure in his heart and was simply content to be David’s loyal friend.

Wouldn’t you love to have a friend like that? And don’t you need to be a friend like that? We all need friends who are loyal to us, friends who surround us.

In 1987, Barb and I went with some friends to China. We saw the forbidden city, Tombs of the Ming Emperors, the Tiananmen Square, the Temple of Heaven and the Summer Palace. We ate a lot of strange food. We saw millions of people on bicycles in Beijing. The most impressive sight was the Great Wall of China. It’s remarkable, more magnificent than I ever could have imagined.

We could see the wall rising and falling over, mountaintops and valleys. The wall is 25 feet high, 25 feet thick at the base, 15 feet thick at the top. The wall has guard towers every 100 to 200 yards that are built into the wall and 40 feet high. The wall was designed by She Wang De 2200 years ago and counting all of the tangents 4,000 miles long. It was built to protect China from invasions from the north. The wall is so thick that it can not be penetrated so tall that no one could climb over it. No one can tunnel underneath as it is impenetrable. And yet, we were told that Mongol tribes attacked China and they actually were able to penetrate the Great Wall and devastate portions of China. We were told that the Huns who would later topple the Roman Empire itself. They besieged China from the North, and they also were able to penetrate the Great Wall conquering regions and sections of the Chinese Empire. In fact, in the first hundred years after the Great Wall of China was built, China was attacked from the North on three different occasions. On each occasion, the attack was successful. The attackers actually were able to penetrate the Great Wall and devastate portions of China.

We might ask, well, how could this be? If the Great Wall is so great, how could this be? The answer is that the guards along the Great Wall and the guards in the guard towers were not loyal. Attacking armies bribed them and gave them money and they gave the attacking armies open access to the land of China. Those armies came in and wrought devastation.

I think God would have us understand that there is a sense in which friends are meant to form a protective wall around us. That’s why you need to choose your friends well, because that wall is only as strong as your friends are loyal. You need to choose loyal friends. The Bible tells us that there is one friend more loyal than all the others and that friend is Jesus Christ.

Jesus said, “Greater love has no man than this, that he laid down his life for his friends. You are my friends. No longer do I call you servants, but I call you friends.” Jesus says to his friends, “I’ll never fail you.” Jesus says to his friends, “I’ll never forsake you.” Jesus says to his friends, “I’m with you always, even to the close of the age.” That’s loyalty. If you want a friendship superior to all friendships, you want friendship with Jesus Christ. In belonging to Christ, we are told that we should choose friends that are like Christ. Choose friends that will not fail or forsake us. Always choose friends that are loyal.

There’s another quality of friendship that we see in Jonathan and David. It’s the essential quality of integrity. It’s not enough to choose friends who are loyal. We need friends with integrity.

Perhaps you have heard of a woman named Nora Vaughn. Nora lived in Germany in the days prior to World War II. She was a courageous author and wrote a book exposing the plans of Heinrich Himmler and Adolf Hitler. The book was called Reaching for the Stars because Himmler and Hitler sought ascendancy. In her book, Nora exposed Hitler’s and Himmler’s plots to eradicate Jewish blood from the face of the Earth. She sent the manuscript of her book to the United States to be published. Her manuscript was intercepted by the Nazis. When Nora Vaughn found that out, she fled Germany, and found safety in England. From memory, she rewrote the book, and the book was published.

Heinrich Himmler and Adolph Hitler were enraged and threw seven of Nora Vaughn’s best friends in prison. When Nora Vaughn found out about this, she was devastated. She wept, prayed, and felt convicted in her heart that she was to go back to Germany and offer to give her life for her friends. She returned to Germany and told Hitler and Himmler she would give her life if they would set her seven friends free.

Adolf Hitler said to her, “That’s not enough. I’m not going to release your seven friends for your life. The only way I’ll release your seven friends is if you write another book. Renouncing your first book proclaiming me, the champion of Germany and the hope of the world.” Nora Vaughn refused and said, “I’m willing to sacrifice my life. I’m not willing to sacrifice my beliefs.” She was not able to save her seven friends. And yet, I must tell you, she’s the kind of friend God would want us to choose. Someone who has not only loyalty, willing to give her life, but someone who has integrity, not willing to compromise her beliefs. That’s the kind of friends God wants us to choose. If we choose friends who have integrity they will not lead us astray. If we choose friends who love Jesus Christ, friends who will make us better. They’ll not lead us astray. And when we go astray, if our friends have integrity, they will come and fall in love, they’ll warn us and seek to pull us back on the path we should go.

Ananias and Sapphira were husband, wife, and members of the early church in Jerusalem. The name Ananias means gracious and the name Sapphira means beautiful. Perhaps he was gracious and she was beautiful, but they didn’t have integrity. In the early church in Jerusalem, the Christians there were bound together in friendship with each other and in Christ. And they made great sacrifices. Many of the Christians actually sold their properties and belongings, and gave their earnings for the needs of the saints and the work of the kingdom.

Ananias and Sapphira, owned a great deal of property. They sold that property and gave the proceeds to the church. They told the church that they gave all the money to the church, but they lied. The truth was they withheld part of the money for themselves and only gave part to the church. Peter, discerning this by the power of the Holy Spirit, spoke to Ananias and Sapphira, and he said to them, “You know, the property was yours. You could sell it. You could not sell it. It’s your choice. Having chosen to sell it, the money was yours. You could have kept all the money or you could have chosen to give part of the money. But you see, in giving part of the money and saying, you are giving all the money, you’ve lied to your friends, you’ve lied to the Lord, and you have lied to the Holy Spirit himself.” We have this amazing moment in the life of the early church where the judgment of God falls on Ananias and Sapphira, and they are stricken with death and their bodies fall and are carried out. Fear grips the men and women of the early church. We can well understand an extreme example of the judgment of God. But by this God wants Christians in all generations to understand that He takes integrity seriously. You might not take integrity seriously but God does. The word integrity refers to soundness of moral, character, righteousness, and honesty.

You see, Jonathan and David swore they would never lie to each other, and they invited the judgment of God to come if they ever did. Jonathan and David longed to serve and honor God. They longed to be people of integrity. When David transgressed in his dealings with Bathsheba and Uriah, Nathan, the prophet, came to David and rebuked him. David didn’t argue or defend himself. Instead, David said, “I have sinned against the Lord.” He repented. I honestly believe if Jonathan had still been alive, Jonathan would’ve come to David. Jonathan would’ve come to David and say, “you’re wrong. Don’t do this. You’re leaving the path of the Lord. Come back.” Jonathan had integrity and that’s the kind of friend that God wants us to choose. Not simply a friend who is loyal, but a friend who has integrity.

You know, it’s been said that a dog is man’s best friend. I’m sure you’ve all heard that statement. Tragically, I think there probably are a few people for whom a dog is their best friend. It’s never meant to be that way. Of course, dogs can be incredibly loyal. There are countless examples throughout history of loyal dogs.

You’ve all heard of Gray Fryer’s, “Bobby.” He was a little Skye Terrier that lived more than a hundred years ago in Edinburg, Scotland. This little Skye Terrier named Bobby belonged to John Gray. John Gray died on a very foggy spring morning in 1858 and this little dog was devastated. The dog stayed by the grave for 14 years, and the people of Edinburg fed the dog and brought blankets during winter time. The dog never returned to the house where it lived with John Gray. The dog just stayed by the grave. After 14 years, on a cold winter morning in January of 1872, they found Bobby lifeless by the grave of its master. They buried Bobby right by John Gray so Bobby could keep company in death, the man that Bobby would not abandon in life. There is a memorial to Gray Fryer’s Bobby on the outside Candlemakers Hall in Edinburg,

Certainly dogs can have loyalty, but I got to tell you, that’s not enough to make dogs man’s best friend. When you think, there’s just no way that a dog can really be a friend, because a true friend from a biblical perspective has integrity. Dogs don’t have any moral integrity. They really don’t. I mean, you could be sitting there writing bad checks and your dog’s still going to lick your feet. Your dog is going to do that because it just doesn’t have moral integrity. You could be committing adultery, which hopefully none of you would ever do, but the dog would still be sleeping at the foot of the bed because a dog doesn’t have moral integrity. They’re loyal, but they don’t have integrity.

I don’t mean to offend, but I’ve got to tell you, there’s an awful lot of people in this world who choose friends that aren’t much better than dogs. They don’t look for a friend that has the moral integrity to come in love and warn them when they’re leaving the past. And they don’t look for a friend who’s going to give an example, the path to walk. As Christians we’re called to be different in the world, it’s often been said that a good friend, a friend who loves you, and a friend who has compassion for you, can double your joys and half your sorrows. Friends are not simply people who are called to comfort us. Friends are meant to challenge us that we might grow in faithfulness in Christ. These are the qualities we look for in friends, loyalty and integrity. Let’s close with a word of prayer.